How To Avoid Fines and Suspensions

At the request of Major League Baseball, New Moon has compiled a list of ways for players and managers to avoid fines and suspensions.

1. Do not throw a pitch at the head of an opposing batter.

2. After throwing a pitch at the head of an opposing batter, do not try to punch him with your fist.

3. Do not try to punch pitchers who are bigger than you. It's not worth the fine and the suspension.

4. During night games, do not kick dirt on umpires when the lights are on.

5. Do not kick an umpire's cap while it is on his head.

6. Do not kick your own cap while it is on an umpire's head.

7. Do not bang your forehead against an umpire's cap, regardless of which part of his body it occupies.