Shocking News South of the Equator

Let me tell you the most shocking thing I’ve ever heard south of the Equator. After six weeks of careful listening and observation, I’ve noticed that the people of the Southern Hemisphere speak with accents unlike anything I’ve ever heard in the American Middle West, where English is always pronounced correctly. Moreover, the accents heard down under in no way resemble the accents in New York, Alabama, Boston, or not even in Missouri.