Shocking News South of the Equator

Let me tell you the most shocking thing I’ve ever heard south of the Equator. After six weeks of careful listening and observation, I’ve noticed that the people of the Southern Hemisphere speak with accents unlike anything I’ve ever heard in the American Middle West, where English is always pronounced correctly. Moreover, the accents heard down under in no way resemble the accents in New York, Alabama, Boston, or not even in Missouri.

Still More Word Trouble South of the Equator

South of the Equator, cars have bonnets and boots. But close observation of the Old Order Amish in the United States of America proves that bonnets and boots are still items of clothing, not the al-u-min-i-um that may or may not be used to manufacture anything powered by an internal-combustion engine.

More Word Trouble South of the Equator

Animal husbandry is important to English-speaking citizens anywhere. As a boy on the farm, I often moved the cows and calves from one pasture to another. But there are no pastures south of the Equator. The sheep eat their bluegrass in “paddocks,” which I confused with “padlocks,” an invention in which the sheep will search in vain for bluegrass.