Tuesday, December 19, 2006

The Joy of Literature

What happens after you get your first book or two published? Do baskets of cash begin arriving at your door? Do gorgeous movie stars invite you to stop by at 10:00 PM and not to forget your toothbrush? Do the leaders of powerful countries ask you what to do about the problems of the world? Maybe famous writers get piles of cash and buses of literary groupies, but most writers aren’t famous and never will be.

If you want to get rich and famous, don’t become a writer. Become a doctor, lawyer, or faith healer. Go into politics, where bribes are more common than books. If you just want to see your name in print, look it up in the phone book. Only a tiny percentage of my fellow countrymen read books, and most of them want to see the first page filled with sex and violence, and they want graphic details if you don’t mind.

In the entire United States, the number of people who want to read anything literary could be seated comfortably in the restrooms at the bus depot in Omaha. If you insist on living in a garret and perfecting your masterpiece, I hope you don’t snore. I got here first.

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