Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Trouble in the South Pacific

I’m presently touring the island nations of the South Pacific. I’m paying for this fact-finding mission with a grant funded by the U.S. Department of State. Like all such grants, I received this one by bribing a member of Congress.

My tour has brought me to the island nation of New Zealand, where the major impediment to a just society is the overpopulation of sheep. Sheep outnumber humans by 567 trillion to 4 million. The Sheep Party controls Parliament, and therefore all branches of government.

Parliament has passed laws banning cows and hogs from both the North Island and the South Island. Air New Zealand is presently flying non-stop between New Zealand and Australia, carrying overbooked loads of cattle and hogs to new homes in Australia.

Sheep now clog the roads with their cars and pickups. Their favorite pickup is the Dodge Ram. Sheep have bought up all available housing. The kitchens, parlors, and beds are full of sheep. Sheep demand and get the best seats at restaurants, theaters, and concerts.

No one yet knows how to end the gross injustice brought on the people and livestock of the island nation of New Zealand.

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