Russian Brides

Most of my readers are baseball fans. If you are one of those, and if you are male and unattached, you may find yourself wishing that you had a marriage or relationship. If you could find someone from another country who wanted to learn from your knowledge of baseball and other American topics, that would be even better.

Consider something else. What are you going to do next fall when the baseball season ends? Some sports fans can slide from baseball into football. Many cannot. If you're one of those who cannot make the transition, you may find yourself feeling lonely.

If you feel lonely, you can do one of two things. You can sit around all winter feeling sorry for yourself, or you can try to find a suitable partner.

That's when Lovers Planet can come to your aid. Lovers Planet is an online dating service that introduces Russian women to American men. In a great many cases, the Russian women eventually become russian brides. A match like this doesn't happen overnight. It takes time for the relationship to mature.

The service begins by providing profiles and photos of Russian women, along with women from Ukraine and other Eastern European countries. These women are looking for relationships that will lead to marriage. They are attractive, intelligent, and well-educated.

Most of the women of Russia and Eastern Europe wish to start a family while they are still young. They prefer to put off a job and career until later. And once married, they wish to stay married.

The divorce rate among Russian women and American men is far lower than that among American women and American men. Even so, no one can promise that you will meet the bride of your dreams by using the services of Lovers Planet.

But many other men already have.

Serious Addiction: Home Run Beat the Streak

My name is F. Scott Fitzgerald, and I'm addicted to Home Run Beat the Streak.

Major League Baseball gave us Home Run Beat the Streak. When will it give us Fantasy Baseball Anonymous?

Home Run Beat the Streak (HRBS) creates the illusion that it's possible to win. All you have to do is pick guys who will hit homers in the next 11 games.

If you pick correctly, you win $10,000.

It looks easy. If it's so easy, why don't I have $10,000 in the bank?

Because it ain't easy.

At the moment, the player in the lead has a streak of nine. Will he reach eleven? I doubt it.

But if he can, why can't I? Maybe I can.

At this point, we depart rational thinking.

What major-league player ever hit ten homers in a row? Apparently none. The record for HRBS was set by a fellow fantasy-game player, not a real baseball player.

So in our fantasies, we've surpassed real human beings.

Maybe I can really win $10,000.

The Utimate Baseball Addiction

The ultimate baseball addiction is fantasy baseball, brought to you by MLB.

Several games are available. I'll mention one now and another later.

Start by going to the MLB website and clicking on "Fantasy."

The first game is Beat the Streak. All you have to do is guess who will get a hit each game day, picking from lists given to you by MLB. If you beat Joe DiMaggio's 56-game winning streak, the all-time record, you win $100,000.

The chance that I'll ever do that is smaller than the smallest sub-atomic particle.

If no one beats the 56-game record, the best streaker for the year wins $5000. The chance that I'll ever do that is less likely than the chance that I'll ever walk to the South Pole.

The best thing about this game is that it costs nothing to play.

The Future Surgeon General

Carla Thomas practices medicine in Anniston, Alabama. But she has a goal more ambitious than that. Dr. Thomas wants to become the surgeon general of the United States.

In order to reach this goal, Dr. Thomas is working on a PhD in healthcare administration at capella university. Capella has just released a podcast that features Dr. Thomas. You can subscribe to the podcast RSS feed at capellacommons.com/rss/. Or view it by subscription at iTunes.

Capella is an online university that satisfies the needs of students who cannot attend classes on a traditional campus. It offers both graduate and undergraduate programs in a variety of subject areas.

Capella University presently serves over 17,900 students throughout the United States and in 56 foreign countries. It is accredited by the Higher Learning Commission and is a member of the North Central Association of Colleges and Schools. For more information, log on to capella.edu or call 1-888-CAPELLA (227-3552).

How Do the Yankees Do It?

Why can't the Cubs play ball like the New York Yankees?

On May 1, the Yanks were in last place in the American League Eastern Division. They had a record of 10-14, and they played as if someone had just called them up from the Little League of Del Rio, Texas.

Today the Yankees are in second place in their division, with a record of 30-31. They look as if they're serious about catching up with Boston.

Why don't the Cubs ever manufacture rallies like that?

The Cubs sometimes launch winning streaks, but they normally fall apart after a few games.

These abortive rallies don't happen only during the famous June Swoon. The Cubs can fall apart any month of the season.

How do the Yankees do it?

Atlanta Burning

Sunday's game against the Braves reminded me again of the best thing that ever happened to Atlanta. During the Civil War, as the Union troops came closer to the heart of Confederate treason, the rebels set fire to their own warehouses to prevent the Federals from capturing their munitions.

This set off the great Atlanta fire, which southern historians later blamed on the Union. You can see this lie depicted in the worst book and the worst movie ever conceived--Gone with the Wind. Most of the town burned down, which was a blessing.

Then a dreadful thing happened. After the war ended, they rebuilt Atlanta.

That's what led to the present situation in Georgia. The next time the Cubs play there, let's send the Illinois Militia to maintain order.

Capella University

No university can function properly without a faculty dedicated to both teaching and research. Sara Orem, PhD, a member of the faculty at capella university, recently co-authored Appreciative Coaching: A Positive Process for Change. The book’s other co-authors are Jacqueline Binkert, PhD, and Ann Clancy, PhD.

Appreciative Coaching takes the position that groups and individuals succeed when they concentrate on ideals, achievements, and best practices. The book suggests that one can reach success by following a path though four stages--Discovery, Dream, Design, and Destiny.

Orem is a member of the faculty and a coach at Capella's School of Business and Technology. In addition, she operates her own coaching firm, where she implements her ideas regarding appreciative coaching. She lives in Oakland, California.

Capella is an online university, which satisfies the needs of students who cannot attend classes on a traditional campus. It presently serves over 17,900 students throughout the United States and in 56 foreign countries. It is accredited by the Higher Learning Commission and is a member of the North Central Association of Colleges and Schools. For more information, log on to capella.edu or call 1-888-CAPELLA (227-3552).

What Else Can Happen?

The Cubs keep bringing guys up from the Triple-A teams, and sometimes they perform like veterans. Felix Pie is one recent example.

Sunday night at Atlanta, Mike Fontenot, another recent arrival, hit a homer and an RBI triple. The Cubs went into the eighth inning with a two-run advantage, only to let the Braves take the lead and win the game 5-4.

Fontenot hit into a double play in the eighth, but nobody is perfect.

It's enough to make you want to go back to Des Moines.

Where's Barrett?

Koyie Hill, not Michael Barrett, will catch Carlos Zambrano in Monday night's game against the Astros, and everyone who works for the Cubs is pretending that this arrangement has nothing to do with the recent Rumble at Wrigley.

The reader may recall that the main event on that occasion took place in the Cubs dugout as thousands of adoring fans watched Zambrano try to knock Barrett's head off.

Barrett's first mistake in that bout occurred when he forgot to leave his face mask on. His second mistake happened when he followed Zambrano into the clubhouse for a heart-to-heart talk.

Lou Piniella says Hill will catch because sometimes a pitcher may "feel more comfortable" with this or that catcher. If I were a catcher, I'd feel more comfortable if my pitcher didn't try to knock my brains out. I don't have much in the way of brains to start with.

Hill says he will pitch instead of Barrett because the poor guy "can't catch every game."

Yogi Barra caught every game. So did Roy Campanella.

I hope Hill doesn't allow any passed balls. If he does, I hope he leaves his face mask on.

Disney World Tickets

If you are a parent or grandparent, I'm sure you're aware of the many attractions for children in Orlando, Florida. For starters, Walt Disney World has four theme parks and two water parks. Sea World, Universal Studios, and Islands of Adventure offer three more destinations. The adults in the family may find the various dinner shows especially inviting.

Because of the large number of tourist stops in Orlando, the visitor can find the numerous options for admission tickets too confusing. One solution to this confusing situation is to go online and obtain your tickets from Orlandofuntickets.com. This firm offers the lowest prices for Disney World Tickets.

Orlandofuntickets.com also offers the lowest discount prices for all other theme parks and dinner shows. Your visit to Orlando should be fun, not confusing. For the best ticket prices, logon to Orlandofuntickets.com.

More Free Stuff from Major League Baseball

The Cubs page at the MLB website offers all kinds of stuff for free. All you have to do is logon here and bookmark the page.

You can find the best bargain under "Cubs Update" on the left half of the screen. Here you can click on professionally written stories about the Cubs (or about the White Sox if you want to find that page).

The first thing I look for is the story about the latest Cubs game. It doesn't replace the story in whatever newspaper you like the best. But it usually appears earlier.

Also look at any of the other stories listed. On Saturday there was a good story about Mike Fontenot's return to the Cubs lineup.

Next, look at the index on the red and blue line at the top of the screen. The diehard Cubs fanatic will want to consult the stats.

Last night, I checked out the Cubs hitting statistics, where I learned that Derek Lee had the best average at .338.

Pitcher Carlos Zambrano, the best heavyweight boxer in the Cubs lineup, was listed sixth with a batting average of .296.

Tomorrow, I'll applaud or bemoan another freebie brought to us by the billionaires who own MLB.

Free Stuff from Major League Baseball

In a post on June 8, 2007, I explained how you can watch Cubs games on your computer. You can also watch any other major-league team in the same manner, but regardless of which games you watch, you must pay for this service.

In this and later posts, I'll describe what you can get for free.

Begin by clicking here. Then bookmark the page.

On your left, you'll see a menu of all the games scheduled for that day. Pick the game you want, and you'll see three icons. One is for live video, and one is for live audio. Either of these will cost you money.

The third icon takes the shape of a baseball field. This free option is called "Gameday."

Click the icon, and a simulated display of pitches will fill your screen. At this moment, I'm watching the simulated display of the Yankees versus the Pirates.

By using this free service, you can see each pitch from the viewpoint of either the hitter or pitcher, whichever you prefer.

The display shows where each pitch goes, and the color of the simulated ball shows whether the pitch was a called strike or a called ball. Green is for a ball. Red is for a strike.

Blue indicates a ball that is in play.

The display shows where the pitch assumedly goes, regardless of what the umpire calls it.

I make no claims about the accuracy of either the umpire or the simulated display.

To the left of the display, you can read a play-by-play account of everything that happens: balls, strikes, and balls in play.

Other displays show the boxscore, lineups for both teams, and related baseball statistics.

One advantage of "Gameday" is that it lets you know what's happening on the field, including events you wouldn't see or hear on audio or video.

Another advantage is that Gameday is free.

Tickets the Easy Way

Anyone who has read New Moon on a regular basis must have noticed that the only sport I ever write about is baseball. I'm sorry, but I have almost no interest in football, basketball, or hockey.

If I had any interest in football, I could go to the Premium Seats USA website and purchase Miami Dolphins Tickets or tickets for any other football team. And I know plenty of people who like football and who could make good use of that website.

But there's another way in which I can benefit from using the services of Premium Seats USA. I may not care for football, but I enjoy concerts, theater, and comedy as much as anyone else. And when I find myself in need of tickets in a strange city, the last thing I want to do is get lost going from place to place in search of tickets.

The advent of the Internet, along with desktop and laptop computers, has made certain kinds of shopping much easier. Amtrak tickets and hotel reservations immediately come to mind.

Sports and entertainment tickets fit into the same category. If you want to do it the easy way, try Premium Seats USA.

Cubs 9, Atlanta 1

It's worth noting that Alfonso Soriano hit three homers against the hapless Atlanta Braves Friday. The Cubs won 9-1 on fifteen hits while the Braves gathered only six hits.

Sean Marshall made it look easy as he allowed one run on four hits.

It's somewhat interesting that the Cubs have won five of their last six games, but don't get your hopes up. If the Cubs finish above .500, I'll win the Illinois lottery twice.

First-Year Player Draft

As New Moon reported on day one of the first-year player draft, the Cubs picked up high-school infielder Josh Vitters, the third overall pick.

Also on day one, the Cubs grabbed two young catchers, Josh Donaldson and Preston Clark. No one reported if they had enough boxing experience to catch Carlos Zambrano.

On day two, the Cubbies got right-handed pitcher Ryan Acosta and infielder Victor Sanchez.

These were the most promising picks. If even one of them makes it into the majors, I'll win the Illinois lottery.

Phoenix Condos

For the last few years, I've pondered the idea of buying a condominium in or near Chicago.

I presently live in an apartment, and I like it just fine. But some of my friends have told me about the alleged advantages of owning your own house or condo.

For my part, my main goal is to live somewhere close to Wrigley Field, although most real estate in Wrigleyville is out of my income-tax bracket.

I don't live in Phoenix and don't intend to move there. The Howard Street El doesn't stop anywhere in Arizona.

But if I did want to live in Phoenix, I'd take advantage of the services of CondoCompany.com. This firm maintains an extensive list of Phoenix Condos through its CondoList program.

If you want to buy a condo in Phoenix, the CondoList offers a convenient place to start looking. This list gives the potential buyer the ability to go straight to the owner or real-estate agent, thereby avoiding any unneeded middlemen (or middlewomen).

If you want to live in Phoenix, you can check out the CondoList and see what's available.

In my case, I'm still pondering what's available somewhere close to Wrigley Field.

Watching The Cubs On Your Computer

In order to give my readers the latest Cub disasters in detail, I've contributed $19.95 to the bloated coffers of Major League Baseball. By making the team owners that much richer, I can watch Cubs games on my computer.

In case you don't already know how this works, let me explain how you sign up, what you get, and what you don't get. Make sure you understand the weaknesses of this service before you pay a dime.

To begin, go to this MLB link. Notice the options, and notice the cost.

You can watch any game by any major league team, and you can watch it live (see the exceptions listed below). Or you can listen to it on your computer, provided that your computer delivers audio. After the game is over, you can watch the whole thing again, you can watch a condensed version, or you can watch the game highlights.

Now let me tell you what you don't get.

Blackout restrictions apply. If you live anywhere close to Chicago, you can't watch the Cubs or Whites Sox live. You also can't watch the Brewers or other teams in the Middle West live. You can listen to the live audio, sometimes called for Cubs games by Pat Hughes and Ron Santo. (You can watch the games after the live version is over and made available in the archives.)

You can't watch the Cubs live even if they're playing in California. If I'm wrong about this, someone let me know. I'm new at this earth-shaking offer and may make mistakes. You can listen to the audio version, but you can already get that from your radio.

Here's another weakness in all this. The video image you see on your computer isn't as good as what you would see on television. It may get better in the future, but I don't know when.

Next weakness: Unless you have high-speed Internet, you won't be able to watch the games on your computer. The MLB website provides a way for you to test your computer before you pay your hard-earned cash.

Last major issue: Unless you take steps to prevent it, MLB will continue to suck money out of your credit card for the rest of eternity.

When you sign up, MLB will give you the message below. Save it:

"Your last monthly bill will occur in October 2007. Your subscription will automatically renew on 3/1 of the subsequent season at the previous year’s rate. To cancel your monthly subscription or this automatic renewal feature, send an e-Mail to cssubscriptionfeedback@website.mlb.com or call Customer Service at 866-800-1275."

That's how the offer works. This post is not an advertisement for Major League Baseball. For my part, I consider my enrollment a trial run. I may continue with it, or I may cancel.

But regardless of all this, I'll still keep track of all Cub disasters.

The Photography of Thomas Weingeist

If you get sick to death of the Chicago Cubs content in New Moon, we suggest that you check out the remarkable photographs of Thomas Weingeist, M.D. Some examples can be found in his new book, which you can find here.

Click on "Book Preview" and see some of the photographs contained in the book. My favorite is called "Under the Chicago 'El.'"

If you like what you see well enough, you can even buy a framed or unframed photograph. All proceeds go to one of Tom's favorite charities.

Premium Seats USA

Readers of New Moon already know that I, your faithful reporter, am fanatically attached to the Chicago Cubs, despite my frequent criticism of Lou Piniella and his ever-hopeful players and coaches.

I already know how to get to Wrigley Field by means of the Howard Street El. And I know all the ways that I can buy tickets to any game.

But if I wanted to attend a game at Fenway Park in Boston, I wouldn't know the first thing about how to obtain tickets. Or if I wanted to buy tickets to see a basketball game in Miami, I'd have to go to a lot of trouble to find out how to get my Miami Heat Tickets.

As a matter of fact, I have no interest in professional basketball, but that doesn't prevent other people from trying to go to every game they can.

At this point, Premium Seats USA comes to the rescue. This firm can find tickets for any NFL, MLB, NBA, or NHL game in the United States. Simply go online, and Premium Seats USA will find the best seats available. Or you can order tickets by phone.

Don't look for me at a Boston Celtics game, but you never know when I'll show up at Fenway Park.

Cubs Pick Third Baseman

The Cubs selected high-school third baseman Josh Vitters Thursday in the first-year player draft.

It's unlikely that he'll ever break out of the Cubs farm system, but if he does I won't live long enough to see it. I'm already over 40.

Vitters comes from California, but maybe he'll get over it.

The poor kid has two big embarrassments in his past. Last year he became the Gatorade California player of the year.

Having your family name associated with a laughable word like Gatorade is almost as bad as attaching your name to Aflac, which happened to Vitters in 2006 at something called the Aflac All-American Classic.

As far as I can tell, Aflac is some sort of antacid.

Major League Draft

This is day one of baseball's first-year player draft. If you wish, you can watch a media circus that will make you sick.

The player draft is one of the biggest nonevents of the year. An eager team of TV hotshots will do everything they can to make something out of nothing.

Appropriately, all this baloney will issue forth from yet another Walt Disney theme park, where nothing is real but the money tourists waste there.

If you follow this media frenzy on the Internet or tune in to this or that channel of ESPN, keep it mind that you will never hear another thing about almost all 1588 players who will briefly parade into and out of your consciousness.

Thanks to Bud Sigel, the first-year player draft has been exaggerated into another money maker for Major League Baseball.

If you want to watch it, have fun. I'll take a nap.

Mailing Lists

All successful businesses have to find the best marketing tools if they hope to succeed. Some place advertisements on radio or television. Others may use newspapers or magazines. The Internet provides one of the newest advertising options. With all these possibilities, direct mail may get overlooked.

If direct mail would suit your business, Martin Worldwide can provide a database of over 290 million individuals and 14 million businesses. That’s 304 million potential customers. Martin Worldwide’s database, called ResponseCom, can generate huge Mailing Lists for a variety of products.

The ResponseCom database identifies new clients for small firms and large corporations. ResponseCom selects exactly the right candidates for virtually any product or service. It finds those markets that demonstrate a history of responding to direct mail advertising.

Martin Worldwide makes its direct marketing services available in a cost-effective and productive way. You can contact Martin Worldwide at 888-267-3545 or by e-mail at: chip@martinworldwide.net.

The Boy from Tennessee

Rosy-cheeked right-hander Sean Gallagher has arrived from triple-A Tennessee and will soon find himself on the pitcher's mound, but only after walking in from the bullpen. Whether he'll ever find himself listed as a starter remains an unknown to the New Moon press corps.

At 21 years of age, the youthful Gallagher might be taken for a batboy, but he has a better curveball than most batboys. One can only hope that his pitches go somewhere near the strike zone. Certain Cub pitchers have recently found the strike zone to be an unsolved mystery.

Nothing in Cub press releases says whether Gallagher likes to slap or punch his own catchers.

Cubs Hit and Punch

Carlos Zambrano allowed only five hits as the Cubs beat the Brew Boys 6-2 on Wednesday.

Felix Pie, recently called up from triple-A Iowa, demonstrated that he enjoys the game as he punched out three hits (one a homer), stole a base, and scored three runs.

But, of course, the big news was what didn't happen.

Zambrano didn't punch anyone (a least not on camera).

Michael Barrett didn't catch (and therefore didn't get punched).

And Lou Piniella finished his last game in the penalty box (and therefore didn't kick any caps or dirt).

Join the Cubs Thursday evening at Atlanta, when Piniella, Zambrano, and Barrett will all have to coexist in the same dugout.

Search Engine Optimization

For any business that hopes to market its products or services online, the creation of a web site is only the first step of the operation. The web site needs to be attractive and inviting, but once it's up and running, another requirement arises.

Regardless of how great your web site looks, it won't help your business succeed unless potential customers find and read it. At this stage, the importance of search engines such as Google emerges.

People find products and services online by using search engines, and 80 percent of all Internet searches use Google. Other search engines are also important to Internet marketers, but Google is the first choice of most users.

In order for your web site to attract customers, you should take advantage of search engine optimization.

Search engine optimization (SEO) makes your web site interact successfully with search engines such as Google. If the search engines don't find you, neither will the customers. You can have the best mouse trap in history, but unless customers find you, your mouse traps will remain in the warehouse.

A good SEO professional can analyze your site and make any changes needed to ensure that the search engines will understand and catalog that site correctly. To attract all the buyers you can for your mouse traps, you need to employ the best search engine optimization you can find.

Piniella's Elba

This is day three of Lou Piniella's banishment to Elba.

Will he return in glory, only to be defeated at the Waterloo des Umpire? Or will he get sick to death of the Cubs and turn them over to Alan Trammell?

Some Cub fans may have noticed that the team has won two straight during Lou's absence. And they won convincingly.

I hate to get superstitious, but do these statistics tell us something?

Don't tell everyone about these innocent questions.

I don't want Lou looking me up to kick my cap, especially not if my head is still in it.

Beware of Optimism at Wrigley

All right. Okay. Soriano looked impressive pounding out five hits Monday night against the Brew Boys.

The Cubs have won two in a row, and Lou Piniella has only two games left in the penalty box.

But before we line up at the two-dollar window to bet on the Cubs, let's remember that they're really not as consistent as Secretariat (the horse, not the branch of the United Nations).

If we want to see the Cubs perform well, we have to hope that Lou will kick his cap every now and then. Put your money on managerial tantrums, and don't apologize for them. Write to Lou and ask for them.

And here's something else. Let's give Ron Santo credit for the way he led the singing of "Take Me Out to the Ballgame."

Some people like to complain about Ron, but if you think it's easy to sing before 40,000 people when you can't even carry a tune, try it some time.

Maybe next time Ron will sing as well as Tony Bennett, but don't expect the Cubs to finish above .500.

Now Where's Lou?

The Cubs are trailing Milwaukee in the first game of a three-game series, so let's get back to something important.

I still think the best part of the Piniella-Wegner duet occurred when Lou kicked his cap. His own cap. He kicked it twice.

Now Lou has to complete four days of rehab.

It ain't fair. He shouldn't get four days for kicking his own cap. I could understand it if he had kicked Wegner's cap. But his own cap? I kick my own cap, and no one pays any attention.

On the other hand, it doesn't seem all that bad for someone to punish you by forbidding you to work. My problem is that some boss is always telling me to do more work.

Lou also got fined $4000.

That's serious punishment. I'm sorry Lou, but if you need a loan, I can't help. Four thousand kopeks is a tall pile of change.

I just checked with Pat and Ron. The Cubs now lead the Brew Boys 6-2 in the seventh.

Digital Scales

I recently visited a country that now uses the metric system. I don't know the first thing about the metric system, and I'm too lazy to learn.

Nonetheless, I like to keep track of my weight, so I borrowed a set of scales from a fellow America. I stepped on the scales, looked down, and saw something confusing. I couldn't see the number very well, and the number I saw made no sense.

I was looking at a number that represented my weight in kilograms. I don't know a kilogram from a telegram, but I was forced to learn the formula required to convert kilograms to pounds.

But I didn't have a calculator. And when I looked down at the number on the scales, I still couldn't see it well enough to be sure what it was.

I finally gave up.

The thing I needed was a pair of Digital Scales from ScalesEtc.com. If I'd had such a pair of scales, I could've forced myself to do the arithmetic.

ScalesEtc.com has scales for every purpose in every room of the house--kitchen, counting, bathroom, and shipping. You can find scales in various colors and scales for weights large or small. You can even find a set of scales that will fit in your pocket.

All scales sold by ScalesEtc.com are reliable, accurate, and carry a warranty. Even better, all scales are sold at a discount.

If you want to know what you really weigh, check the numbers at ScalesEtc.com.

Love Feast at Wrigley

The Cubs won one game against the Braves, and now everyone is getting dewy eyed at Wrigley Field.

Even before the game, after trading punches with Carlos Zambrano, Michael Barrett said, "I think of Zambrano as a brother."

I'm glad I never had any brothers like Barrett and Zambrano. I'd still be wearing a body cast.

Next we had Alfonso Soriano joining Felix Pie's family. "He's like my brother here," Soriano said.

And sometime today (Monday), Jim Hendry, the Cubs general manager, is going to have a brotherly chat with Barrett and Zambrano.

Better stay out of arm's reach, Jim, or you won't have all your teeth on Tuesday.

Where's Lou?

The Cubs took off their boxing gloves and put on their baseball gloves for Sunday's game with the Braves.

They then proceeded to hammer Atlanta 10-1.

Pitcher Sean Marshall limited the Braves to only one run and three hits for almost seven innings. Cubs batters gave Marshall more than enough support, starting in the first inning, when Mark DeRosa hit a grand slam homer.

But where was Manager Lou Piniella? Was he drunk? Did he have a tummy ache? Was he in jail?

No to all the above. He was, as everyone knows, serving his suspension after Saturday's kicking and shouting match with third-base umpire Mark Wegner.

Bench coach Alan Trammell managed the team on Sunday, and Lou had to watch the game from somewhere other than the dugout.

All this may have energized the Cubs.

Maybe Lou should stay suspended for the rest of the season.

Orlando Villa

Lowery's Vacation Homes can take the trouble out of your next vacation in Florida. The firm's head office is in the UK, but it also operates out of an office located in Kissimmee, central Florida.

Lowery's can help you find a car, tickets to vacation attractions, and housing near Walt Disney World. And the housing will provide much more than a small hotel room. You could even find yourself in an Orlando Villa. Lowery's can also help you find a private pool home, condo, or town house.

To help its customers find the best accommodations and amenities, Lowery's has a web site at Thinkflorida.co.uk.

Visitors from the UK will find the services offered at Thinkflorida.co.uk especially helpful. For example, take a look at the site's online booking service. By taking advantage of this service, someone from the UK could rent an Orlando villa for half the price offered elsewhere.

Everyone knows all the vacation attractions located in Florida: theme parks, golf courses, dinner theaters, beautiful beaches, and much more. Why not enjoy these locales, then return to accommodations that will only increase your enjoyment?

Go to Thinkflorida.co.uk to learn about all the options that await you in Florida.

Piniella vs. Wegner

Lou Piniella took on umpire Mark Wegner in the main event Saturday at Wrigley Field. This Rumble at Wrigley came only one day after the Barrett-Zambrano match.

Following a disputed call at third base, Piniella peppered Wegner with a series of punches from both his left foot and his right.

Heavyweight Piniella had lightweight Wegner on the ropes after kicking dirt on the umpire's shoes.

Piniella appeared to be in charge after his yelling became audible in the bleachers and Wegner's reached only the seats behind home plate.

But in a stunning reversal, Wegner won on a TKO after a vicious right cross sent Piniella to the showers.

The Cubs have now lost six bouts in a row.

The next nine-round event for the Cubs commences at 1:20 PM Sunday at Madison Square Wrigley.

Barrett vs. Zambrano

Those of us on the sports staff of New Moon apologize to our faithful readers for not bringing you the blow-by-blow account of last Friday's main event at Wrigley Field.

Heavyweights Barrett and Zambrano squared off to help us forget the disaster the Cubs handed us during May.

A crowd of around 40,000 at Wrigley, plus a worldwide television audience, watched the two contenders during round one, which took place in the crowded ring known as the Cubs dugout.

Referee Piniella separated the two poorly trained boxers and told them to return to the gym for a review of the fundamentals of leading with your right, but only if you're left handed.

The second round took place in the clubhouse, where reporters could not make it to ringside until after the blood had been wiped off the canvas.

Round three is scheduled to commence at an undisclosed location, possibly in Cicero or on Navy Pier.

Doctoral Degrees

A graduate student who wishes to earn a doctoral degree can now consider the PhD and PsyD programs available from Capella University. Capella University is especially attractive to students who cannot leave their family or job responsibilities to pursue graduate degrees at a traditional university campus.

Capella, a fully online university, offers a broad array of programs by means of the internet. The doctoral programs available include psychology, education, human services, and business and technology.

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Vacation

New Moon is on vacation. Back soon.

Pat and Ron

I'm sitting here on a warm evening, listening to the Cubs-Marlins game on WGN radio. As always, Pat Hughes calls the game and Ron Santo enlivens the broadcast with beautifully phrased color commentary.

In these difficult times, Cubs fans should give thanks that we have Pat and Ron.

We don't have Ernie Banks. We don't have Harry Carey. But we still have Pat and Ron.

(The Marlins just scored four runs in the 8th inning.)

So don't whine and complain. I'll do enough of that for everyone.

When you say your prayers tonight, give thanks for Pat and Ron.

Another Way To Lose

Just when you think you've seen it all, the Cubs find another way to lose. In yesterday's loss to the Dodgers, the umpire ruled that the last pitch of the game hit Juan Pierre, thereby forcing in the winning run for LA.

As a general rule, you shouldn't throw a pitch that hits a batter when the bases are loaded, especially not in the 11th inning, when one run wins the game for the opposing team. There's no way that that pitch can help you. It violates all the conventions of the game.

So why did it happen? Because that's the way the Cubs play baseball.

I've heard all the stuff about perfecting the bullpen, the need to score more runs to support your pitcher, and the importance of having a confident outlook.

Today is Monday. At this moment, the Cubs trail Florida at the end of seven innings. The Cubs will lose.

The Cubs lose because that's the one thing they're really good at.

Zambrano's Performance

Carlos Zambrano looked good during yesterday's game with the Dodgers. I especially liked the way he got upset with himself after serving up a home run pitch to Wilson Betemit in the seventh inning. He gave a good performance.

That's what I like about the Cubs. Good theater. The tradition goes back for decades.

But good theater doesn't lead to a winning season. I predict that the Cubs will finish dead last in the Central Division.

You heard it here last. I merely follow the crowd.

Place Your Bets

The Associated Press reported on May 25 that "Two dozen people cheated casinos in several states and Canada out of at least $3.3 million over five years by using technology and bribes to rig card games, federal prosecutors alleged in indictments unsealed Thursday."

All this alleging took place in San Diego and Seattle.

Why do I not care if these people stole from casinos? Casinos cheat ignorant people out of their money every day.

The only people who always make money in casinos are the people who own the casinos. They set the odds, and the odds always favor the house.

Throughout the rust belt, in cities that once had factories that provided good jobs and useful products, casinos have replaced the factories. The casinos pay low wages and produce nothing but gambling addicts.

I don't know or care who stole from the casinos. They were indicted. When will the prosecutors indict the cheaters who own the casinos?

Beach Vacation

I live in the northern part of the United States, where spring often arrives slowly. While digging through the snow, I sometimes think about white beaches, clear ocean water, and other advantages we don't have where I live. At times like those, I see the value of Vacations.net.

At Vacations.net, I can find resort vacations for as much as 50 percent off the normal rates. With bargains like that, I can take the whole family to a Great Beach Vacation. Pack the bags, lock the doors, and let's go. And if I can do it, so can you.

Vacations.net has redesigned its website to offer up-scale resort vacations at discount rates. The site provides an intuitive booking engine, thorough content, and compelling images. And best of all, the site is easy to use.

A trip to Vacations.net provides virtual tours, detailed information about accommodations, and everything you need to know about resort vacations in places such as Mexico, the Dominican Republic, and Jamaica.

For reservations and all the info you need, visit www.vacations.net, or call 1-888-205-3315. Paradise arrives early this year.

Cub-Padre Nightmare

I got home during the fifth inning of Friday night's horror movie.

I saw the Cubs rally in the seventh inning. I saw the Dodgers rally in the ninth.

I think I'll take a long trip. Maybe I'll go to Fiji. Maybe I'll go to Tibet. Maybe I'll never come back to Chicago.

Saturday's game with Los Angeles in now on television. Maybe I'll turn it off and pack my bags.

New Moon Out for the Night

The New Moon staff will be out for the night, attending an uplifting cultural event somewhere within the 48 contiguous states.

Do try to make it through the game without us. It will be on TV, you know. Enjoy it.

If the cultural event turns out to be not the least bit uplifting, the New Moon staff will regret that it didn't stay home to watch the Cubs tear the Dodgers apart.

Cubs Launch Hit Parade

The Cubs went on a hitting spree in the top of the ninth to restore order with the Padres Thursday night in San Diego.

Jason Marquis gave up five hits in seven innings and now has an ERA of 2.60.

Marquis can throw strikes, and sometimes the Cubs can hit when needed.

Things To Worry About

Going into tonight's series-ending game in San Diego, Cub fanatics have several things to worry about.

Will Jason Marquis continue to pitch as well as he has all season?

Will the Cubs score any runs to support Marquis?

Will I run out of beer before the game is over?

Marquis has a 5-1 record, with an ERA of 2.76. He also has a batting average of .240, which is better than some of his teammates that I prefer not to name.

If the other Cubs in tonight's game forget which end of the bat to hold, Marquis may have to provide his own offense.

Good luck to us all.

Gold Coins

During a person's work life, the wise saver puts money away in various investments. Stocks, bonds, and savings accounts provide examples of ways to save for retirement or other anticipated expenses. Frequently, people forget about some of the oldest investments in the world: gold, silver, and other precious metals.

For thousands of years, people have conserved their wealth by converting it to gold. In the present era, the Monex Deposit Company makes it possible for the general public to buy gold coin. Many investors like to purchase American eagle coins. One can also purchase gold ingots. Monex will deliver the gold to whatever independent bank or depository you prefer.

Monex also provides a convenient way for the public to buy silver. Silver may be especially attractive to investors at the present time. Yearly demand for silver now exceeds production. The world’s silver reserves are growing smaller and may soon drop to nothing. Regardless of whether you prefer coins or ingots, Monex can provide competitive prices.

No one should suggest that you put all your wealth into gold and silver, but consider purchasing these rare and beautiful metals as a safeguard for whatever amount of your accumulated wealth you wish. In unpredictable economic times, gold and silver are among the only sure guardians of your wealth.

He Can Throw Strikes

Major conclusion about tonight's game: Marshall can throw strikes.

This is important. We don't like to see our pitchers walk a guy when the bases are loaded. We like our pitchers to make the opposing batters hit the ball and give our fielders some exercise.

Fielders get bored and go to sleep in their shoes. They need to see balls coming their way. They like to play the game. They like to make outs.

Marshall gave up only four hits. Unfortunately, one was a home run.

The Cubs lost 2-1, even though they got three more hits than the Padres. It would have been nice if Cubs batters could have scored more than one run. But life is like that.

Marshall can throw strikes.

After Five Innings

After five innings, Marshall continues to throw the ball over the plate.

The Padres hit the ball.

Cub fielders catch, pick up, and throw the ball accurately.

All is going well.

Back to the TV.

Can He Pitch?

The big question tonight is: Can Sean Marshall pitch? We know he can pitch in triple-A baseball.

Can he pitch in the major leagues?

The Cubs need pitchers. They have plenty of bats and all the spit they'll ever need, but our hometown boys need help in the pitching department.

Tonight, WGN is sending the game from San Diego straight into my small apartment at a closely guarded location somewhere in the 48 contiguous states.

I will watch and report on young Mr. Marshall.

We're in the fourth inning.

Marshall has given up two hits but no runs. He seems to be able to throw the ball over the plate.

More later. Back to the TV in the living room.

Four Home Runs

Rich Hill gave up only six hits against the Padres Tuesday night.

Unfortunately, four of them were home runs. The Padres won 5-1.

The Cubs offense fell short of the Padres. They picked up only four hits, none of which was a homer.

The trouble starts again Wednesday night in San Diego. Game time: 9:05 CT.

Hotels in Orlando

The whole family enjoys a vacation in Orlando, Florida. In Orlando you can find six popular theme parks, such as Sea World, Universal Studios, and Walt Disney World.

But there's even more than that: up-scale shopping, grand hotels, cultural attractions, and a great deal more to see and do.

Your visit to Orlando will go much easier if you check out the hotels in orlando before you leave home.

That's where Orlando.com can help. Orlando.com offers the lowest prices on a wide variety of hotels.

In addition, Orlando.com provides the best deals on car rentals and airline flights in the Orlando area.

Do yourself a favor, make your hotel and travel arrangements through Orlando.com.

Then relax and enjoy your vacation.

Cubs Pitching Rotation

We know two things about tonight's game between the Cubs and Padres at San Diego. Rich Hill will be the starting pitcher for the Cubs, and I'm unlikely to stay awake for the entire game, which starts at 9:05 CT.

The thing we don't know is what the pitching rotation will be after tonight's game. We don't know because Lou Piniella, Cubs manager, isn't ready to tell us.

For those of you not conversant with baseball lingo, "pitching rotation" has nothing to do with a pitcher who spins around like a figure skater, thereby drilling a hole for himself in the pitcher's mound.

But let's go back to an earlier time.

In the early days of baseball, managers didn't send in relief pitchers as quickly as they do now. They began with the assumption that the starter would pitch the whole game.

In those days, pitchers did spin around like figure skaters when the opposing batters started hitting their pitches into the hog lot beyond center field. They literally dug holes in which they could hide until everyone else forgot about them and went home.

That practice is long forgotten, but it's the true origin of the term "pitching rotation."

No Game Today

How can I waste my time on a day when the Cubs are off somewhere filing their spikes?

I could watch another game with other teams, but I don't care about other teams.

I could turn on the TV and see what else is on, but television is still a vast wasteland.

I could walk down to the lake and walk in the water, but Lake Michigan's sharks are plentiful this year.

I could watch a movie, but they're all terrible.

I could take a nap.

Goodnight.

Rain Delay

Someone said that after a rain delay, the Sox won the game 10-6.

The Cubs could have used a downpour from noon to midnight. Could've used an earthquake.

It's only a game.

Cubs Versus Sox, Game Three

I can't stand to watch any more of this. The players have to stay and watch, but they get paid for it and I don't.

The Sox did everything they could to help the Cubs in the bottom of the sixth. With two out, Alfonso Soriano hit a triple to the sweet spot in far right field.

A White Sox pitching change brought Andrew Sisco to the mound. He then contributed two wild pitches and a walk before the White Sox CEO replaced him with Mike MacDougal.

MacDougal apparently likes to pitch, which he proceeded to do so. He induced Michael Barrett to ground out, ending the inning.

For all that effort, the Cubs scored one run. The score: Sox 3, Cubs 2. The Cubs were still in the game.

Or so it seemed.

In the top of the seventh, Carlos Zambrano got tired and forgot how to pitch.

The Cubs Board of Directors called on Neal Cotts to replace Zambrano, and A. J. Pierzynski promptly hit a grand slam.

That's when I clicked the button on WGN. I later turned it back on briefly, and learned that the Cubs had scored four more runs in the eighth.

Not good enough. I can't stand to watch the last inning.

Interleague Finale

Going into Sunday's interleague finale with the White Sox, let's try to keep things in perspective. We're only talking about the White Sox, not a powerhouse like Tampa Bay.

Consider these statistics. The Sox are 4.5 games out of first place. The Cub are 5 games out.

The White Sox have a win-loss record of .513. The Cubs have a record of .488.

The Sox have a losing streak of two. The Cubs have a winning streak of two.

So the two teams have much in common. Both are doing better than Tampa Bay, but not as well as Boston. On any given day, the White Sox are just as likely as the Cubs to play a pee-poor game.

In other words, the Sox are just as bad as the Cubs. So why worry about Sunday's game? Smile. Be happy.

Wake up and smell the ivy.

Play by Play

After six innings, it's Cubs 5, White Sox 5.

Stay tuned.

Nice double play by the Cubs in the top of the seventh.

Stay tuned.

After seven innings at Wrigley Field, it's still Cubs 5, White Sox 5.

Stay tuned.

How can Konerko, who's hitting .193, manage to hit a home run? He's playing against the Cubs. That's how. Top of the eighth, White Sox lead 6-5.

Stay tuned.

Holy shit. Pinch hitter Derek Lee hits a grand slam in the bottom of the eighth. The Cubs score six runs and now lead 11-6. I hope his neck feels better. Mine does.

Stay tuned.

Carlos Marmol pitches for the Cubs, top of the ninth. Three up, three down. Cubs win.

Log out and have a beer.

Give Credit to the Cubbies

The Cubs looked good with the win against the Chicago White Sox today. Let's give credit where credit is due. The Cubs don't often give us the chance.

Barrett hit the ball instead of Pierzynski. Angel Pagan fouled up while running the bases, but hit a crucial triple in the seventh inning. Ted Lilly pitched a good game. And Ryan Dempster looked like a perfect machine as he closed the ninth.

Great job, guys. Give us something to cheer about tomorrow.

The Boys of Winter

How could a professional baseball team go into the ninth inning with a 5-1 lead and give the game away? Only the Cubs could do what they did against the New York Mets this afternoon.

It doesn't matter who the closer was. Any Cub pitcher would have performed in exactly the same way.

The Chicago Cubs are The Boys of Winter.

The Cubs lose and keep on losing. They lose regardless of how good the players are, how good the coaches and manager are, and how good Wrigley Field looks when the whole sky is as blue as it ever will be.

And what about the rest of us chumps, the fans? Why do we curse the hapless Cubs every night and get off the El at Addison Street the next afternoon?

It has something to do with Chicago. It's hot as hell in the summer and cold as hell in the winter. The politicians have always been corrupt and always will be. We learn how to think as children, and we all think alike.

Our criminals are the worst in the history of the world. Our streets and expressways stink worse than the stockyards ever did. We're demolishing the most beautiful buildings in America and replacing them with the ugliest.

What other baseball team could represent Chicago better than the Cubs? None. The Cubs are the worst possible because we wanted the worst we could get, and we got them.

See you tomorrow afternoon when the trouble starts again.

The Cubs Need More Rain

Rain delayed the start of the Cubs-Mets game Wednesday night at Shea Stadium.

For the Cubs, it would have been better if the rain hadn't stopped.

Cubs manager Lou Piniella sought an explanation for the Cubbies 8-1 loss and found it in the pitching of Rich Hill.

Having solved Carlos Zambrano's pitching troubles (the now-famous early revelation problem), Piniella must next solve Hill's troubles. If Piniella fails, Hill may get rained out permanently.

Hill's problems lie in the fact that he's walking batters and then letting them steal on him. These troubles may be more difficult to solve than Zambrano's early revelations.

It's now 3:25 PM, Thursday, in Chicago, and the Cubs just lost to the Mets by one run.

Bring on the rain.

Gourmet Gift Baskets

I sometimes tell my children that I don't need anything for Father's Day, but I don't really mean it and they know that. And they always manage to find something for me.

When children grow up, they often move away in search of jobs and careers. It isn't always easy to find a gift for someone who still lives back home. Or maybe your dad lives just across town. That doesn't make it any more convenient to find time to shop for an appropriate gift. That's where Gourmet Gift Baskets can help you find Fathers Day Gifts.

Dad has always been there to remember your birthday and other special occasions. Now it's your turn to do something for him. Because you can shop online at Gourmet Gift Baskets, you won't have to spend time going from store to store.

Consider the options at Gourmet Gift Baskets. You can find a Father's Day basket with chocolates, nuts, wines, cheeses, and fruits. Or take a look at the Grilling Gift Baskets for the backyard Bar-B-Q expert. Is your dad crazy about golf? Consider the Golf Gift Baskets.

Check out the baskets shown online. If you don't find exactly what you want for Dad, call Gourmet Gift Baskets at its toll-free number, and a friendly member of the staff will assemble the exact gift basket you want for your dad.

For my part, I wouldn't mind that basket with chocolates, nuts, wines, cheeses, and fruits.

Download a DVD

Sick to death about what you'll do the next time the Cubs are off for the day. Why not download a DVD and try to forget your troubles. New Moon now provides an easy way for you to obtain the movie you need. Simply go to the right sidebar and find the box labeled “DVD-Quality Downloads.” Click on the button and see what’s there. DVD-quality downloads for hundreds of movies await you. You can shop by category, by genre, or by movie studio. If you prefer a TV show instead of a movie, look at anything from A&E to VH1. Shop by channel or by genre. The prices vary, depending on what you choose. Why wait? See what you want, and see it now.

Guarded Optimism for Cubs

After the Cubs 10-1 victory over the Mets last night, we've adopted a policy of guarded optimism. Zambrano looked good over the course of eight innings, giving up only one run, allowing six hits, and striking out three.

Zambrano did all this while changing his delivery. He had been delivering in a way that allowed opposing batters to see his grip on the ball, thereby knowing what the pitch would be. Knowing the pitch in advance allows a hitter to quickly raise his batting average, and most pitching coaches deplore the practise of early revelation.

Aramis Ramirez led the offensive frenzy for the Cubs, hitting a grand slam home run in the sixth inning.

As a result of these heroics, we are now guardedly optimistic about the Cubs, which means we think the North Side boys will not finish last in the Central Division.

We wouldn't want to say more than that. If we did say more than that, the Cubs would be sure to finish last in their division. We dare not mess with this superstition.

A.E. Feldman Associates, Inc.

When your business needs to fill an important position, you're faced with one of the most difficult management decisions you'll ever have to make. If you hire someone who is not suited for the job, this will lower the productivity of everyone who works with that person. Even if you find a way to remove that employee from a position of importance, it can take months to repair the damage.

Before initiating your own search you might want to consult A.E. Feldman Associates, Inc. AEF has been finding the right person for the right job since 1967.

The recruiters at AEF have all completed successful careers in the fields for which they now find new employees for new jobs. These fields include legal and legal support services, communications and technology, risk management jobs, and others. AEF finds the right candidates for these jobs nationwide.

AEF can point to a long history of discrete recruiting and successful job placement. Its recruiters have the experience to make the best matches possible.

Where Are the Cubs?

The Cubs are playing in New York. I'm not in New York.

I want to watch the game on TV. The game isn't on TV.

I can watch basketball, a spelling bee, and much more than I ever wanted to know about the late J. Falwell.

This is unjust. It's wrong, mean, and immoral. Nothing is more important now than watching my favorite baseball team lose another game, and all I get is basketball, a spelling bee, and a television preacher.

What happened to truth, justice, and the American way? What happened to separation of church and baseball? What happened to the Cubs?

A Gift Refused

It ain’t funny anymore. The Mets tried in every way to give the game to the Cubs, but our North Side guys wouldn’t accept it.

My favorite part came when two New York players whose names I forgot both fell down in right field, and neither had caught the ball. The Cubs managed to score.

But in the fifth inning, Mets pitcher Tom Glavine filled the bases with three straight walks, and the Cubs wouldn’t accept the freebie.

I don’t want to think about the last walk of the game.

It ain’t funny anymore.

Cubs Versus Mets

As we approach the game on Monday, let’s try to ignore the fact that the Mets have a win-loss record over 150 points better than that of the Cubs. Look on the bright side. The Mets don’t have Roger Clemens in the bullpen, cooling his heels at a million dollars an hour.

Things could be a lot worse. The great Chicago fire was worse. Al Capone was worse, until you got thirsty. Then he didn’t seem so bad, unless you were Dion O’Bannion.

See. Look on the bright side, if there is one. The Cubs might win. I might get an income tax refund larger than what Clemens makes while tying his shoes. Not likely, but maybe someone at the IRS will make a mistake.

Look on the bright side.

Not Much of a Team

Let's not get carried away. Philadelphia doesn't really have much of a team, does it? It's 7 games out of first place in the Eastern Division, and the Cubs are 7 games out in the Central Division. Both teams have season records below .500.

These aren't the kinds of teams that get embossed invitations to the playoffs.

Glad that Ted Lilly got the win. Sorry that Derrek Lee had neck spasms.

I have spasms too. Have them every time the Cubs trot onto the field. They give me whole-body spasms. Nothing helps but beer. Lots of it.

So we lose two and win one from the Phillies. Now it's on to New York and the Mets.

Hope the Mets have spasms.

Sunday, 3 PM

It's Sunday in Philadelphia. A ballgame may be taking place.

It's only a game. It's only a game. It's only, etc.

Good News from Rothschild and Piniella

The Cubs lost to Philadelphia on Saturday, May 12, 2007. This was the third defeat in what figures to be a long losing streak.

Before we all meet at the corner of Clark and Addison to share a tub of rat poison, Larry Rothschild, pitching coach, and Lou Piniella, manager, want to give us some good news.

Carlos Zambrano’s right arm didn’t really fall off.

It seems that Zambrano had some trouble with his “mechanics.” Before each pitch, the ace right-hander grasped the ball appropriately for the pitch requested by catcher Barrett or catcher Blanco, depending on which one came to the game.

Then Zambrano held the ball high above his head before going into his windup.

This allowed opposing batters to see what pitch to expect, which gave them a better chance of getting a hit, provided they knew how pitchers hold the ball for each kind of pitch, i.e., fast ball, curve ball, slider, stripper, etc.

Both Rothschild and Piniella told Zambrano not to hold the ball high over his head before going into his windup, although they didn’t say where they did tell him to hold it.

Just to be on the safe side, Piniella also told both catchers not to write the kinds of pitches on a chalk board and hold it up for Zambrano to read.

Bring your own spoons to Clark and Addison. I can’t do everything for you.

The Cubs on a Cold Day

The Cubs started well against the Phillies on Friday night, but my car started well last winter until the temperature dropped to 20 below.

Rich Hill had the Phils under control for the first three innings. Then Pat Burrell stepped to the plate, and Hill’s 1.73 ERA headed skyward with baseball. By the end of the game, that ERA had reached 2.51, regardless of the temperature at Citizens Bank Park.

With a ballpark named after a bank, the citizens of Philadelphia may want to check their account balances. Base runners like to steal.

The Phillies can’t assume Burrell will hit two homeruns every game, although he may come close when facing the Cubs. This reminds me of my favorite baseball superstition. When discussing the Chicago Cubs, never say or write anything optimistic.

The Cubbies meet the Phils again Saturday night. I can’t remember the name of the park.

Superstition in the Dugout

Why do carp like worms? Why did it take four hours and thirty-nine minutes for the Cubs to lose to the Pirates? Why are baseball players, managers, and fans so superstitious?

I can’t pretend to make sure answers about any of these questions, but it’s now safe to talk about the real issue. The Cubs had a five-game winning streak going into its May 11 game with Pittsburg. By the end of the game, the Cubs had a no-game winning streak.

Why does no one talk about a winning streak until it’s over? Because it brings bad luck to talk about it. That’s why.

Consider a more dramatic example from baseball’s barrel of superstitions. The Cub pitcher is throwing a no-hitter against the drunken Brewers.

By the end of the fifth inning, everyone in the park who’s still alive knows what’s going on. What do the guys in the dugout discuss between innings? Baseball statistics? The standard 103-mile-per-hour fastball the pitcher is throwing?

Not a chance. They may talk about the price of corn, the trouble an incumbent president has caused, or the fact that their respective wives have left them.

But they don’t say a word about the no-hitter the stranger on the mound is throwing. They don’t say a thing about him or to him. Why not? Because that would jinx the whole thing. That’s why not.

Only an idiot fresh off the boat from Ellis Island would make such a blunder.

And they don’t make idiots like that anymore.

The Crucial Importance of May

At the end of hostilities on Wednesday, May 9, the Chicago Cubs sat insecurely in second place in the Central Division. The Brewers of Milwaukee had rolled out the barrel to leave our hapless tee drinkers 6.5 games out of first place, with a heroic Cubbie win-loss percentage of .516.

The Cubs’ hold on second place was tenuous at best, with Houston just a game behind our North Side bear brats. (Why is there a major-league baseball team in Houston? Who approved this departure from sane thinking?)

But if we apply clear reasoning to the entire National League, we find the Cubbies in deep manure decades after the stockyards slid into Lake Mich.

With its .516 record, the little bears trail, not just Milwaukee, but also Atlanta, New York, Los Angeles, San Diego, and Arizona. (I know these last three hick towns don’t deserve major league teams, but the fact is that they have better win-loss records at this crucial moment. Don’t ask what’s so crucial about it. I don’t know. May has some sort of Druidic importance to someone.)

To return to the essential fact mentioned in an earlier paragraph, the Cubbies appear to be in deep manure.

Universal Studios

It’s sometimes difficult to plan a vacation that the whole family will enjoy. Mom and dad might like a trip to an historic site or a quiet rest on a Caribbean island.

Some kids would choose a theme park. Others might want to visit the spring-training camp of their favorite baseball team.

But everyone likes a good movie. That’s why you can’t go wrong with the whole family if you take along some Universal Studios Tickets for your next visit to Orlando. Everyone can see how the movies are made.

Because of the large number of tourist stops in Orlando, the visitor can find the numerous options for admission tickets far too confusing. One solution to this confusing situation is to go online and obtain your tickets from Orlandofuntickets.com. This firm offers the lowest prices for Universal Studios discount tickets.

Orlandofuntickets also offers the lowest discount prices for all theme parks and dinner shows. These popular attractions include Sea World, Disney World, and many others.Your visit to Orlando should be fun, not confusing. For the best ticket prices, logon to Orlandofuntickets.com.

The Chicago Cubs 2

Cub fans will continue to fill Wrigley Field because they’re crazy. And since I’m a Cubs fan, I’m just as crazy as all the others. What else could explain why we pay a hefty fee to watch a team that hasn’t won a pennant since the Battle of the Somme?

And in the year 2007, a new question has sprouted in the spring. Rumors fill the bleachers. Will the Tribune Company sell the Cubs? To whom? For how much? Why? Don’t ask me. I hardly ever try to predict the future.

The Chicago Cubs 1

Spring comes to the Middle West, and all thoughts turn to life’s great unanswerable questions. Will the Chicago Cubs finish above .500? Will they catch the Milwaukee Brewers? Will they start well and then, like the daylilies, fade in the autumn? And most mysterious of all, why will Cub fans continue to fill Wrigley Field every game, regardless of how well the team plays?

I hesitate to predict the future, and I would never try to answer most of these questions. But I know a sure thing when I see it. Here goes. (TBC)

Children and Dentists

Several years ago, a friend recommended a dentist who was especially good with children. From then until now, I’ve always taken my kids to that dentist. This dentist is kind and gentle in everything she does. As a result, my children never worry about their regular dental exams. And I don’t worry about mine, because I go to the same dentist. When it comes to my teeth, I’m still just a kid myself.

If I lived in or near Alexandria, Virginia, I would look for a dentist like the one my family has now, and I’d start looking at Hayfield Dental Care. Hayfield Dental Care has been open since 1987, and its dentists have treated over 23,000 patients since that date. All these dentists have received the advanced training needed to carry out almost any dental task required, without having to refer patients to another dental office.

The dentists at Hayfield Dental Care use only the newest and most advanced materials and equipment available. They provide general, family, and cosmetic dental care. A dentist who specializes in orthodontics provides full-time service. The Virginia Board of Dentistry reports that it has never received a complaint about any dentist at Hayfield Dental Care. You can contact Hayfield Dental Care at 703-971-2220.

New Zealand 2

The two islands of New Zealand occupy about 103,000 square miles, but the city of Chicago sits on 234 square miles. One doesn’t need a degree in statistics to see that Chicago resembles a cattle yard compared with New Zealand.

Auckland is the largest city in New Zealand. If you count the population of Auckland and its suburbs, you’ll reach a figure slightly more than a million. And almost all those people live in single-family houses.

I didn’t get out my yardstick and measure the square miles of Auckland and its suburbs, but I saw the entire area from both the ground and the air, and it’s larger than Chicago.

On the other hand, although Chicago may be more crowded than Auckland, it has one major advantage. My hometown has two major-league baseball teams. Auckland has none.

New Zealand 1

I recently returned to the USA after a visit to New Zealand. I found many things of interest during my visit, but I failed to notice one thing until I returned. Everywhere I’ve gone in the USA, I’ve found the crush of humanity overwhelming.

New Zealand occupies two islands across the Tasman Sea from Australia. About three million people live in New Zealand, a figure close to that of Chicago, my hometown. Nothing in the country of New Zealand could ever prepare anyone for Chicago.

Hold the Phone

Anyone who has ever worked in a business office knows how difficult it is to get anything done if you have to work with a second-rate telephone system. Telephone tag and the busy signal that never dies are only two common symptoms. Small businesses may have found it especially difficult to find a vendor who can provide new telephone technologies that meet their specific needs.

Xpander Communications provides new telephone systems such as Voice Over IP (VoIP) specifically designed for small businesses. Xpander delivers VoIP Small Business Phone Systems that are easy to use, easy to maintain, and affordable.

A small business can have these systems installed at both its home office and all branch offices, thereby making the job more efficient and more successful for everyone. Xpander makes these high-tech telephone systems affordable for small businesses by providing limitless free service and support, plus the best in long-distance and international calling plans.

Large firms can afford the best telephone systems available. And now Xpander Communications makes the best telephone systems available to small businesses.

Download a DVD

To obtain the movie you just can’t wait for, go to the right sidebar and find the box labeled “DVD-Quality Downloads.” Click on the button and see what’s there. DVD-quality downloads for hundreds of movies await you. You can shop by category, by genre, or by movie studio. If you prefer a TV show instead of a movie, look at anything from A&E to VH1. Shop by channel or by genre. The prices vary. Why wait? See what you want, and see it now.

Hold the Pickle, Hold the Lettuce

I recently visited New Zealand, where I learned that some farmers raise grass-fed Friesian bulls that are eventually slaughtered and used for human consumption. Most of the meat from these bulls is shipped to the United States, where fast-food chains sell it in hamburger sandwiches.

I learned about all these matters by questioning three farm men, two farm women, a butcher who is also a farmer, a livestock dealer, and a retired CEO of a meatpacking company. Two of the farmers raise sheep and bulls. One raises sheep and steers. The butcher raises pigs. The retired CEO raises flowers.

All these experts agreed that the bulls are butchered and boned in New Zealand, and that about 80 percent of the meat is sent to the U.S.A. to be turned into hamburgers. The remaining 20 percent goes to other countries, primarily to Japan. The hamburgers made in the United States contain about 85 percent bull meat, plus 15 percent fat that is added from other slaughtered cattle. Bulls themselves contain almost no fat.

I can promise you that the fast-food companies in the United States do not want me and my fellow Americans to know these facts. They don’t want us to know that they’re selling bull meat. Bulls create the wrong image. But that's the only image your taste buds will get if you pick the right day to buy your burger.

Appreciative Coaching

College and university students sometimes find that job and family obligations prevent them from attending classes held on a traditional campus. For those students, e-learning offers a useful alternative. Capella University, a fully online university, offers a broad array of courses by means of the internet.

No university can function properly without a faculty dedicated to both teaching and research. Sara Orem, Ph.D., a member of the faculty at Capella University, recently co-authored Appreciative Coaching: A Positive Process for Change. The book’s other co-authors are Jacqueline Binkert, Ph.D., and Ann Clancy, Ph.D.

Appreciative Coaching takes the position that groups and individuals succeed when they concentrate on ideals, achievements, and best practices. The book suggests that one can reach success by following a path though four stages--Discovery, Dream, Design, and Destiny.

Capella University presently serves over 17,900 students throughout the United States and in 56 foreign countries. It is accredited by the Higher Learning Commission and is a member of the North Central Association of Colleges and Schools. For more information, logon to Capella.edu or call 1-888-CAPELLA (227-3552).
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Writing Contests, Part 1

If you write poetry, short stories, novels, essays, nonfiction, or memoir of the best literary quality you can produce, the best source for finding honest contests is Poets & Writers Magazine. This magazine (which used to be called Coda) roots out scams and sinks them into the deepest hole in the Atlantic Ocean. The magazine comes out every two months, and you can find it in any decent library. Or you can buy it at newsstands or bookstores. I subscribe because it doesn't cost all that much and it's more convenient.

The first part of P&W contains articles, many of which are useful. But everyone knows that the really good stuff comes after the articles. That's where the contests are listed. Most of the contests are sponsored by literary journals, usually those published by colleges or universities. These contests often charge reading fees, which are used to provide the prize money and keep the journal alive for another year, given that most journals could not survive from subscription fees and the few ads they sell. These reading fees are the only exceptions I know of that do not ring the warning bells for the many scams out there.

Writing Contests, Part 2

The listings begin with the section labeled "Deadlines (Grants & Awards)." Read each listing carefully. In most of them, you'll find a website spelled out where you can find detailed guidelines for the contest. Before you pay a $15 reading fee, make sure the prize is worth the investment. Also, check to see if your $15 will buy a copy of the issue that contains the prize winner. If so, you'll at least get something for your reading fee.

After reading "Deadlines," continue on to the "Classifieds" and look for "Contests." Here you'll find contests sponsored by independent literary journals that are not usually associated with colleges or universities. The prizes offered are usually smaller than those offered by the more prestigious journals, and, therefore, the reading fee should also be smaller. Don't shell out $15 if the prize is only $100.

NOW COMES THE REALLY BAD NEWS: Your chance of winning any of these contests is about as likely as winning a lottery. I've been writing for 30 years. Dozens of my stories and essays have appeared in magazines, anthologies, and literary journals. A university press published my well-received but seldom-purchased family memoir. A small press released my personal memoir in 2006. In all these years, I've won only one contest, and the winning prize amounted to $250.

If you want to make money, get a good job and do your serious writing after work, after the children are in bed, after you help clean up the mess, and after you tell your spouse how much you love him or her.

ResponseCom

At a time when radio and television provide advertisements for every imaginable product or service, companies large and small may want to consider an older way to deliver their advertising messages.

Martin Worldwide can provide a database of over 290 million individuals and 14 million businesses. That’s 304 million potential customers. Martin Worldwide’s database, called ResponseCom, combines two older databases in order to create a huge number of Sales Leads.

The ResponseCom database identifies new clients for small firms and large corporations. ResponseCom selects exactly the right candidates for virtually any product or service. It finds those markets that demonstrate a history of responding to direct mail advertising.

Martin Worldwide makes its direct marketing services available in a cost-effective and productive way. Contact Chip Matthews, client relations manager, at 888-267-3545 or by e-mail at: chip@martinworldwide.net.

Harvest of Shame, Part 2

CBS reporters followed the path of migrant farm workers as they harvested the crops from Florida to New Jersey. Interviewers and the cameras that filmed them revealed desperate workers trapped in a system that provided the only work they knew how to do.

After letting workers describe their long hours, low pay, filthy living quarters, poor food, and transportation that was worse than that provided for animals, the interviewers repeatedly asked the workers if they thought they would ever escape from the work they had chosen. The answer repeatedly given was “I don’t see how.”

Harvest of Shame was broadcast right before Thanksgiving, a holiday on which Americans have traditionally enjoyed the blessings of a bountiful harvest. The CBS documentary forced Americans to change their conceptions of how that bountiful harvest reached their dining tables.

Harvest of Shame changed the way Americans saw themselves as it also changed the nature of American documentary films.

Harvest of Shame, Part 1

A real documentary provides a counterbalance to the feature films that purport to reflect contemporary society. “Art imitates life” is the conventional wisdom that supports the claims of the feature filmmaker.

But in real life, an endless repetition of cops and robbers, exploding autos, and attractive actors fails to depict the reality of American society, or any society. The documentary, if it’s well made, offers a contrast to the familiar feature film.

In 1960, Edward R. Murrow and his CBS Reports television staff made a classic documentary, one that is still taught in film classes throughout the United States. This documentary was called Harvest of Shame, and it effectively challenged the popular beliefs of how food was harvested for the best-fed nation on earth. That documentary is now available on DVD.

Silver

For centuries, people have conserved their wealth by converting it to silver and other precious metals. In the present era, Monex Deposit Company provides a convenient way for the public to buy silver.

A precious metal is not the kind of thing to store with your childhood stamp collection. The large, well-trained staff at Monex can provide for safe delivery to an independent bank or depository of your choice. Silver is available in either coin or ingot form.

Silver may be especially attractive to investors at the present time. Yearly demand for silver now exceeds production. The world’s silver reserves are growing smaller and may soon drop to nothing. Regardless of whether you prefer coins or ingots, Monex can provide competitive prices.

No one would suggest that you put all your wealth into silver, but consider purchasing this rare and beautiful metal as a safeguard for whatever amount of your accumulated wealth you wish. In unpredictable economic times, silver is one of the only sure guardians of your wealth.

The Big Sleep 2

In Michael Winner’s 1977 remake of The Big Sleep, the confusion in the plot of the original movie is corrected, but the new screenplay can’t compare with the earlier one. Not even Robert Mitchum can breathe live into the wooden dialog.

Another failure lies in the fact that Winner decided to place the film in England. It would be impossible for anyone to put an American hard-boiled detective into such a foreign setting and expect the whole thing to succeed. Instead, the whole thing looks silly.

The remake of The Big Sleep fails to past the test when compared with the original.

The Big Sleep 1

The trouble with doing a remake of a great movie is that viewers are bound to compare the new version with the original, and the remake has to be really good in order to survive the test. Consider the case of The Big Sleep, which can now be found on DVD.

The original production of The Big Sleep is one of the finest examples of film noir we’ll ever have. The script is based on Raymond Chandler’s hard-boiled detective novel of the same title. The plot is remarkably complex, but that doesn’t really matter when detective Philip Marlowe is entertaining us with one wisecrack after another. “You’re not very tall, are you?” a spoiled brat tells him. “I try to be,” Marlowe says.

Fans of the Bogart-Bacall duo have found much to please them in The Big Sleep. The dialog between these two is as steamy as Florida in July.

How can a remake compare well with all this?

Surfer Girls

If you’re a woman or girl who likes surfing and other water sports, you can find helpful information and products online at Surfer Girls. Even if you don’t surf but like the image that surfing suggests, you can also find something you’ll like at Surfer Girls. Or if you aren’t interested in water sports for yourself, you can find a gift for that girl or woman who will really love it.

Surfer Girls provides information about surfing camps, surf and water sport news, and interesting surfing stories. If you need some surf-related products, you can find artwork, jewelry, music, DVDs, surf clothing, and much more at Surfer Girls.

All of us who care about the environment and the welfare of animal life will applaud Surfer Girls, which supports clubs, organizations, and individuals who work to protect those resources that make water sports so pleasurable for women and girls of all ages.

DVD Downloads

New Moon now provides an easy way for you to obtain the movie you just can’t wait for. Simply go to the right sidebar and find the box labeled “DVD-Quality Downloads.” Click on the button and see what’s there. DVD-quality downloads for hundreds of movies await you. You can shop by category, by genre, or by movie studio. If you prefer a TV show instead of a movie, look at anything from A&E to VH1. Shop by channel or by genre. The prices vary, depending on what you choose. Why wait? See what you want, and see it now.

Mechanic School Directory

Parents, teachers, and guidance counsellors agree that a young person should get a good education in order to find employment that will provide for a happy life. I’ve often given that advice to my own children.

When we think about a good education, we often think first about a four-year college degree and oftentimes a graduate degree. But we should also keep in mind the training available for young people who may want to learn the traditional crafts and trades. This kind of employment can provide a secure and rewarded career.

People interested in learning about mechanics, welding, and HVAC (Heating and Air-Conditioning Systems) may not know what schools offer the kind of training they need. That kind of information can be found online at the Mechanic-School-Directory.com. That’s where you can find schools that will help you acquire HVAC Certification.

The Mechanic School Directory provides a comprehensive list of trade schools located throughout the United States. These schools offer training in both welding and HVAC. In addition, the directory lists schools that provide educations in auto, diesel, aircraft, motorcycle, and marine mechanics.

The Mechanic School Directory provides easy online access to the schools listed. The directory also provides important information about programs, certification, careers, and licensing. If you or someone you know would like to acquire an education in mechanics, welding, or HVAC, the Mechanic School Directory is a good place to start looking.

Central Standard

At present, the family memoir is one of the most popular literary forms in the United States. One of the best examples of this form is Central Standard: A Time, a Place, a Family. This book received good reviews in the Middle West, but it was largely ignored elsewhere in the country. Central Standard tells the story of one working-class family that stayed together, survived the Great Depression, and sometimes triumphed. After failing to succeed at farming, the family found its home in railroad work. The book contains its share of both sorrow and joy. Ask your librarian to order Central Standard.

Orchestra Seats

I've just seen a delightful movie called Orchestra Seats. The story is set in contemporary Paris. All the main characters started life with very little and managed to create a good existence for themselves without forgetting the rest of their fellow citizens. Some of the success stories are a little hard to believe, but the excellent camera work, music, and a very good screenplay make the viewer forget about minor faults.

Orchestra Seats isn't the kind of movie that will show up at the theater at every shopping mall. You may have to wait to buy, rent, or download the DVD. But the movie will be well worth the wait.

Jamaica Vacation

Why have I never gone to Jamaica? I’ve never heard anything but good news about this ideal vacation spot. It isn’t all that far away. I wouldn’t have to go to the other side of the earth. I can afford it, especially if I take advantage of Vacations.net.

If I can go to Jamaica, so can you. I’m not poor, but I live simply and save what I can to provide an occasional vacation for my family and myself. So I’m not likely to set off without careful planning. I need Vacations.net so that I can take an all inclusive jamaica vacation.

Vacations.net has redesigned its website to offer up-scale resort vacations at discount rates. The site provides an intuitive booking engine, thorough content, and compelling images. And best of all, the site is easy to use.

A trip to Vacations.net provides virtual tours, detailed information about accommodations, and everything you need to know about all-inclusive resort vacations in places such as Mexico, the Dominican Republic, and Jamaica.

For reservations and all the info you need, visit www.vacations.net, or call 1-888-205-3315.